Its Been a While.

Why today, why am I writing today, it has been so long that I forgot my password, so what makes today a day when I need to write?  I'm honestly not sure.....just missing her so much.  Still almost impossible to believe it has been a little over 2 years.  Where did the time go?  How has she been gone so long when I feel like I just let go of her hand?  I still pick up the phone to call her, not as often as before, but it still happens....I get to the mailbox in the morning and reach for my phone to call a mom who is no longer on the other end.  There are days I wonder if I'll ever stop hurting for her.  Tristyn got glasses today and my mom would be so tickled and all I want to do is send her a picture and hear her laugh at me complaining that they have my eyes.  Why can't I hear my mom laugh, my best friend....I just need her today.  Bryce is turning 11 and I want my momma, I want to ask her so many questions, ones that weren't important to raising girls 2 years ago, but are now.  I want to drink a cup of coffee with her and to hold her hand like I would even as an adult.  I'd give anything to sit by her tub as she takes her bubble bath and just talk.....about anything and everything.  Some days just hurt so much that it is hard to move forward, but I keep putting on the smile and moving forward because I need to and she'd want me to.  She hated to see me cry, and although I hate crying, sometimes my soul just needs to let go of the pain a little.  So, why today.....why not today?  Why not let myself feel the hurt just for a bit before the day gets too loud and the night grows dark, why not miss the most amazing woman I've ever known?  Tomorrow will come and my smile will hide the sadness I feel right now with Christmas coming, but until then I'll miss my momma.