Late Night Thoughts

When I first began this blog, I thought I'd be writing about my joys and struggles of being a stay at home mom of three girls aged 2yrs, 4yrs, and 5 yrs....thus the name of the blog...A Day In The Life. Needless to say much time has passed (close to 4 yrs) since I thought about beginning this blog and I'm now at a completely different point in my life and believe this blog may be a nice outlet for my emotions and my new daily life. So, why Late Night Thoughts...well...b/c I was up all night thinking about Thank you Notes. Why thank you notes, what is so difficult about thank you notes you may ask yourself. Well, you'll ask yourself until you realize that these particular thank you notes are for flowers, donations to the American Cancer Society, and Mass intentions for my mother who passed away 25 days ago. My mom who was the most amazing person I know and who had only be diagnosed with cancer 4 weeks and one hour to the minute before she went home to be with God. So, that is why I couldn't sleep, I know I have to start these thank you notes b/c it is the right thing to do and I can hear my mom asking me "Did you send your thanks you notes yet?". No mom, I haven't...I don't know how to thank anyone for anything that had to do with me losing you. I don't want to thank anyone for sending flowers/plants b/c you died. I don't care to thank anyone for a donation to the American Cancer Society because you lost your life to cancer...NO. I just don't feel like thanking anyone for anything. Enough of my tantrum, I seem to be keeping together most of the time, well, almost most of the time, but I am human and my human heart is aching. Let me stop here to tell you about my mom. Amazing is the only word that comes to mind and it doesn't really seem to sum her up. She died just as she lived...on her own terms and when she was ready. She loved with more love than I've ever seen anyone love with. Her heart was as big as TX....I'm sure of it. She never met a stranger, would offer her brilliant smile to anyone....deserving or not. I've never known anyone who took so literally Christ when He said "No greater love does one have than one who would lay down his life for another." (will find the actual Scripture later....this was from memory and the wording may be a little off.) My mom would give the coat off her frozen back to help another. Self sacrifice was a way of life for her, her love for others would bring her to always place herself in the background. How can a love and a light as bright as hers be put out so soon? How do I move on from here? How can I be a mom without her gentle guidance? How do I truly say goodbye to my best friend? How do I continue to wake up each morning knowing that I will never hear her say "Good morning Sunshine!"? I don't know how to do this, so for now, I'll blog. The pile of thank you notes await, maybe I'll do them tomorrow.
Jeremiah 29:11
Mel